Grounded

These few days feel a bit grounded. Grounded as in stopped in my tracks, hard to lift off, facing reality, humiliated. I have a lot of reading to do. Granted they are all interesting, and I try and at least skim everything so that I will feel excited about going to class. And classes are interesting too. Haha, sometimes it gets a little too unstructured though, like today we debated for 15 minutes on "technology policy" vs. "technology and policy". Lucky I always sit beside the right ppl, then we whisper whisper about how funny the discussion is becoming. But I don't want to talk about classes now... so change topic.

I can read some people well. But actually I have come to realize that I am easily tricked. Like I trust people very easily, and usually believe most things that people say. But it's scary when eventually it turns out ppl dun mean what they say, or they actually feel differently towards you but just dont show it. I am insensitive. I say things that get on ppls' nerves.

I feel a little out of sorts. People pass on, but you don't quite feel it... usually just send condolences and say i'm sorry etc. Until it creeps up next to you, then you start to realize that that train you're riding with all your loved ones will one day come to the final stop. Then have to get off already. I worry about such things all the time. I talked to my dad for a bit this morning... he sounds very sad. I almost cried just hearing him talk about it. Some days I lie in bed and all I think about is, what am I going to do if something happens? So then the next day I will wake up and try and live (like what my korkor advises) as though it's the first day of the last month with them.

I think, that's why i'm impatient too. I don't like to wait. When do you want to wait until? The night before it ends?

"We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.

-David Weatherford
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Ok change mood. Don't write sad things on blogs.

To provide some entertainment, here's a picture of my class:

Note -- I am not the shortest. Although it may SEEM like I am, and if you think so you ought to look more carefully, there are a few people shorter than me. The photographer said that the exposure would be quite long... so we were supposed to hold our smiles for a while. But he never say how long, so we were smiling like idiots for more than 10 seconds, until someone asked, "I've never seen a camera with such a long exposure?" Then we found out, oh, just smile for about 1 second can already.

We as a class went to Thompson Island for an Outward Bound School course over the weekend. Very fun. These are the kinds of ppl you can sit around with discussing an answer to a question like... "When should we stop listening?" without feeling bored at the end of the discussion.

Another pic -- Derek trying to demo ice hockey. Haha. Me in the corner. I have a sweat shirt that says "Episcopal Girls Soccer" cos I lost my jacket and Jenn lent her sweatshirt to me. Jenn is the girl sitting right beside me. We were supposed to introduce another person in the class and she introduced me as "a scammer", cos I told her once that in sec sch my friends and i put hair into a half-finished drink in a fast food restaurant and then asked the counter staff for a new one. She herself will be remembered as "the one who dressed up as a chicken" cos in high school she volunteered to be the "Game Cock", -- opposing team mascot, and was beaten up by a group of kids. The french dude, 2nd from left, climbed Dangling Duo with me. His name is Loic and he plays bball quite well. Both Jenn and Loic were in my OBS group (we were split into 4 groups) -- therefore they are mentioned in greater detail. Hahaha.

Ok, I bought a new laptop. I feel a bit sad that my old one will have to be replaced, cos I'm terribly sentimental. But it was getting old... cannot even read pdf files without shutting itself down. So sad. Last time i used to cry when my mum wanted to throw away my old bolsters. I thought about getting a laptop for very long, but never got down to buying one cos I didn't want to. Plus I've never really bought anything so costly for myself. Except for air ticket, which is a necessity and not a Want.