Fall Break -- Guess where I was? :)
It was such a wonderful 4 days, I'm beginning to think i need to transfer school... hahaha. It's so amazing how fleeting certain things are in life, and how fast your life can be turned completely upside down. But who is to say that upside down is worse than right side up? :)
I've been thinking a lot lately... maybe also cos i have so much work that thinking about random thoughts has become a relaxing distraction for me. I keep reflecting on everything that has happened over the summer. Thoughts, memories, scenes, words just keep floating in my head. And when that happens, I can't help feeling (or thinking) lots of evil thoughts.
Some days -- just feel a lot of resentment or anger. I was talking to one of his friends, and she mentioned that she's worried that ppl will not have a good impression of him. And my first response was, Well, Should he have a good reputation for what he did? I mean, I understand her concern for a friend, but why should i be responsible for his reputation? When it all happened, I so much wanted to tell his close friends. Cos even till now, he didn't tell his friends he cheated on a girl. Sometimes I just want to tell the whole world what he did... just out of spite or something. Want to tell ppl what the girl did too, what they both did... everything. But I know that's just the evil me talking. So I try very hard not to tell ppl that he cheated on me. But today right now just feel like writing on a public blog for ppl to see. ARGH.
So I just keep asking God, why are some Christians capable of committing such sins? Try and try to forgive, but grrr... so hard. Some days I ask God, is this part of Your plan to reveal Yourself to him? And if so... could you hurry up??
There's still so much anger in me... hmm, more anger than hurt i guess. Or just a feeling of injustice. Like, how can ppl like that get away with things so easily? I told a friend I met in Cornell, that I absolutely hate cheaters. Even if they are my friends and I sort of know why they are doing what they did, there's no way I can accept or forgive such behavior. Then again, how many cheaters are actually sorry for what they did? And if they're not sorry, how to forgive?
It was such a wonderful 4 days, I'm beginning to think i need to transfer school... hahaha. It's so amazing how fleeting certain things are in life, and how fast your life can be turned completely upside down. But who is to say that upside down is worse than right side up? :)
I've been thinking a lot lately... maybe also cos i have so much work that thinking about random thoughts has become a relaxing distraction for me. I keep reflecting on everything that has happened over the summer. Thoughts, memories, scenes, words just keep floating in my head. And when that happens, I can't help feeling (or thinking) lots of evil thoughts.
Some days -- just feel a lot of resentment or anger. I was talking to one of his friends, and she mentioned that she's worried that ppl will not have a good impression of him. And my first response was, Well, Should he have a good reputation for what he did? I mean, I understand her concern for a friend, but why should i be responsible for his reputation? When it all happened, I so much wanted to tell his close friends. Cos even till now, he didn't tell his friends he cheated on a girl. Sometimes I just want to tell the whole world what he did... just out of spite or something. Want to tell ppl what the girl did too, what they both did... everything. But I know that's just the evil me talking. So I try very hard not to tell ppl that he cheated on me. But today right now just feel like writing on a public blog for ppl to see. ARGH.
So I just keep asking God, why are some Christians capable of committing such sins? Try and try to forgive, but grrr... so hard. Some days I ask God, is this part of Your plan to reveal Yourself to him? And if so... could you hurry up??
There's still so much anger in me... hmm, more anger than hurt i guess. Or just a feeling of injustice. Like, how can ppl like that get away with things so easily? I told a friend I met in Cornell, that I absolutely hate cheaters. Even if they are my friends and I sort of know why they are doing what they did, there's no way I can accept or forgive such behavior. Then again, how many cheaters are actually sorry for what they did? And if they're not sorry, how to forgive?
1 Comments:
hey jas, it's lui. came across ur blog while googling randomly so thought i'd let u know and if it's ok i'll probably be back to browse once in a while :) it's nice to have a means of keeping up with pple's lives when it's all too easy to lose touch even if u don't intend to. let me know if u prefer to keep it private then i'll keep my grubby fingers off :) take care! xx
Post a Comment
<< Home