Sometimes I wonder if I do too much. Like in the sense that its not really my job to do something but I go do it anyway... I'm not sure if the person who's supposed to do it will be angry. I just really want the whole event to go smoothly, and when something's not done, I get anxious so I try and take it into my own hands. I really don't mind doing it... sometimes I think I care too much about things, but I don't mind putting like 200% effort into something to make it turn out well.

I don't know if I really cut out to be a leader. I find myself having difficulty saying no, telling ppl to do things, or not to do things. I'm not extroverted, don't like to speak in front of many people, don't like to mix with big groups of people i don't know (i.e. socializing). But yet I enjoy working with people. I like to make use of opportunities to impact peoples' lives, or to leave a good and lasting impression on others. I like meeting new people too, but more on a one-to-one basis, so that I actually get to sit down and talk to them personally and not just float about a big hall saying hi, nice to meet you, to everyone.

I really really hope meimei's birthday party turns out well. I don't know why I feel so anxious about it also, but its a bit of guilt i guess. I feel bad that i'm not there for her these four years... I miss her so much and wish I could be back home to organize her party for her. I really feel as though I will do anything to make her birthday really nice and special. There are just a few people in this world whom I feel I can do anything for. She is one of them.