I've been listening to the same 2 songs on my mp3 player for a really long time. Someone else's star, by Brian White, and Lean on Me, by the Temptations.

There was a time when the lyrics in Someone Else's star seemed so relevant... and I could almost picture myself sitting there thinking those words to myself.

Alone again tonight,
Without someone to love,
The stars are shining brighter,
So one more wish goes up

Oh I wish I may,
And I wish with all my might,
For the love I'm dreamin of,
And missin in my life,

I guess I must be wishin on someone else's star,
It seems like someone else keeps getting what I'm wishin for,
Why can't I be as lucky as those other people are?
I guess I must be wishin on someone else's star,
Why can't I be as lucky as those other people are?
Oh I guess I must be wishin on someone else's star...


I do sometimes still think like that... like I wonder why I can't have the things some other people have. I go through these vicious cycles of depression and upbeatness ever so often...But... I'm really grateful for what I have in life, what's I've been able to experience... even the horrible sad painful experiences. There are some that I wish never happened, some that I wish I could relive... but all in all... I think I've been blessed with a wonderful life. I feel... in some way, my life is complete now.... I have a wonderful family that i love and who loves me... a boyfriend whom i love and who loves me... relatively good health... enough money.... academic achievements, fitness... friends... and possibly a good career ahead. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am... and I start complaining about what I don't have or wonder why can't I have things that other ppl have... but u know what? I honestly think I'm really really really lucky already. I've done so much in life... I've acheived many things that other people only dream of... I've proven to myself time and again that I can do the seemingly impossible. I just have to remind myself once in a while that I've got a good chance in life to make a difference.

I know I have a major inferiority complex most of the time. I tend to think I'm not good enough, not tall enough, not fit enough, not smart enough, not sociable enough... but I think if I actually TRIED to thinking the opposite... I might actually take more constructive steps towards being better. There's always this fear of failing that stops me from trying... like I think "I'm not good enough for this... hence I shan't waste my effort trying". I know lots of ppl keep telling me that its not true and that I'm more capable than I think I am... and they will be like "look at all the things you've done!" But, maybe that's cos I chose wisely? That perhaps its because I chose to do only the things I think I'm better at, that's why I seem to be successful most of the time? I don't know where this rambling is going to lead... but whatever it is. I NEED TO STOP THINKING THAT I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH.