My heart breaks when I see my aunt cry in pain, when I listen to her question the existence of God, when she says she'll rather leave this world than go through the torture of dying painfully and slowly.

What would I do if I were her? I don't think I would have even made it so far. The world is such a cruel place, I think I'd just be weak and leave it behind.

My heart also breaks when I see my mum upset with my aunt's condition, when she tries to cook something nice, something easy to eat for my aunt, but gets so depressed when my aunt continues to lose weight and cry in pain.

How do people deal with such things? Apart from crying and wishing things were different, and that it was all a bad dream. I sometimes go for long runs because the exhaustion occupies my mind and removes me temporarily from all these other realities, but its so... transient.

Feeling helpless is a horrible feeling. Feeling heartache is also very hard to deal with. But maybe still better than feeling unbearable physical pain.