I had a good weekend. Felt a bit bad leaving fellowship bonding early on Friday night... and for a while I was wondering if I would regret it later on. Being the worrier that I am, I was actually worried about the weekend, cos I'd create these expectations or hopes on my own and then pray that things will happen the way I want them to.
Cornell was still cold. I no like. Penn is nice and warm now... haha. So anyway... Saturday was spent, erm, i think... watching Alias, talking, cooking, talking, eating, talking, more eating, and then went for Singaporeans On Stage (SOS), a Cornell cultural-show-cum-talentime thing. Wee Lee Boy was the emcee, and my brother performed, so I kill two birds with one stone.
-- Before going on... I have to say this. I am freaking UNtalented. When I watch ppl perform, I am just so totally amazed at all of them... sing lah dance lah play instrument lah... and of course, MAKE CORNY JOKES. hahahaha.. but yah... I feel so untalented.
Anyway, so we play a couple game. Dominant Strategy Equilibrium huh? :P Takes 2 economists to win a couple game. 2 crafty economists.
Talking about Econs, I am no longer indebted to Kuznets. My new benefactor is Lawrence Klein. I think I'm damn cheapo lah... somehow just feel like so often I get things I don't deserve, like REALLY don't deserve. Then ppl think I'm smart or good or whatever, but actually i'm damn lousy. Actually maybe people think I'm lousy too but just say I'm good. I also dunno... but whatever the case is today seems like a I-am-very-lousy-you-all-just-don't-know day.
Feeling insecure? Maybe. I spend so much time trying to tell others that they are good enough and all... maybe its just my way of convincing myself that I am not that bad. Like telling them(myself in the process) that worldly achievements are just superficial and we shouldn't spend our time chasing them. But perhaps the truth is, I say it cos I can't get them. I just am not good enough, not smart enough not talented enough, so just convince myself that those things don't matter.
I need a run. Crap man... it's so funny saying that... cos I AM going to get a run... a super long one on Apr 17. But I don't think it will be a pleasant experience. I just want to fast forward to the end of it... (if I pass the finishing line lah).
I'm quite tired. Actually I think I've been avoiding a lot of things. I've tried not to think about some stuff, like just put aside... things like summer, grad school... I dunno... too many to list. And now i'm starting to feel troubled by the effects of my own procrastination.
And no one's attending my graduation. How sad is that. Well, just have to make it not so sad. And no, no one has to comment about this.
Ok I shall stop. Going downhill liao.
Cornell was still cold. I no like. Penn is nice and warm now... haha. So anyway... Saturday was spent, erm, i think... watching Alias, talking, cooking, talking, eating, talking, more eating, and then went for Singaporeans On Stage (SOS), a Cornell cultural-show-cum-talentime thing. Wee Lee Boy was the emcee, and my brother performed, so I kill two birds with one stone.
-- Before going on... I have to say this. I am freaking UNtalented. When I watch ppl perform, I am just so totally amazed at all of them... sing lah dance lah play instrument lah... and of course, MAKE CORNY JOKES. hahahaha.. but yah... I feel so untalented.
Anyway, so we play a couple game. Dominant Strategy Equilibrium huh? :P Takes 2 economists to win a couple game. 2 crafty economists.
Talking about Econs, I am no longer indebted to Kuznets. My new benefactor is Lawrence Klein. I think I'm damn cheapo lah... somehow just feel like so often I get things I don't deserve, like REALLY don't deserve. Then ppl think I'm smart or good or whatever, but actually i'm damn lousy. Actually maybe people think I'm lousy too but just say I'm good. I also dunno... but whatever the case is today seems like a I-am-very-lousy-you-all-just-don't-know day.
Feeling insecure? Maybe. I spend so much time trying to tell others that they are good enough and all... maybe its just my way of convincing myself that I am not that bad. Like telling them(myself in the process) that worldly achievements are just superficial and we shouldn't spend our time chasing them. But perhaps the truth is, I say it cos I can't get them. I just am not good enough, not smart enough not talented enough, so just convince myself that those things don't matter.
I need a run. Crap man... it's so funny saying that... cos I AM going to get a run... a super long one on Apr 17. But I don't think it will be a pleasant experience. I just want to fast forward to the end of it... (if I pass the finishing line lah).
I'm quite tired. Actually I think I've been avoiding a lot of things. I've tried not to think about some stuff, like just put aside... things like summer, grad school... I dunno... too many to list. And now i'm starting to feel troubled by the effects of my own procrastination.
And no one's attending my graduation. How sad is that. Well, just have to make it not so sad. And no, no one has to comment about this.
Ok I shall stop. Going downhill liao.
1 Comments:
hi jasmin, have been reading your blog every now and then, but never commented before so: don't be sad! i'll be attending your graduation! and so will all the freshies staying for summer school! heh. we'll be sure to do the whole proud parent "awww, there goes our girl" sniff-sob-point-and-take-picture thing. haha!
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