Gambling.

Usually the expected payoff is negative something. When I said yes, the expected payoff was slightly better. It was zero. I'd much rather choose to love someone than gamble. Though maybe I'm disillusioned... usually when people are in love they think the payoff is +infinity.

I lost. And the payoff is -infinity. Its just like gambling. I can't take back my money. Maybe that's why you liked to gamble. It gave you thrills... and to you, its just money lost. Next time when you have money, you'll come to that blackjack table for the rollercoaster ride again.